Time Wounds Everything
by Angel Leviathan
Summary: Had they been in any other situation, he would have considered twirling her round and round and laughing like an idiot, but…they weren’t in any other situation. Spoilers for Unending.


**Title:** Time Wounds Everything  
**Author:** Angel Leviathan  
**Disclaimer:** SG-1, the characters, concept, etc, aren't mine.  
**Spoilers:** Unending.  
**Summary:** Had they been in any other situation, he would have considered twirling her round and round and laughing like an idiot, but…they weren't in any other situation.  
**Notes:** Set during Unending, deals with the scene where Vala's sobbing. Involves the topic of abortion. If this will affect you, then please, don't read it.

* * *

She was being flighty, even for her, when he finally decided to ask her what was wrong. 

Vala stopped pacing and looked up from the book she had been half-reading, half-waving about. She looked almost guilty.

"…What's…going on?" Daniel questioned.

She closed the book and set it down on the nearby shelf. It took her several seconds to compose herself before she replied. "I'm pregnant," she stated.

He tried to keep his reaction to a minimum. Had they been in any other situation, he would have considered twirling her round and round and laughing like an idiot, but…they weren't in any other situation.

"Say something." Already the silence was too much for her.

"I…er…how?" Daniel mentally cursed, aware that it wasn't the best way to start the conversation. "We always use-"

"I know," Vala interrupted. "But I am. Don't ask me how, well, that's obvious, but I am."

"How far-"

"Six weeks. Give or take. By my calculation." She grimaced, nervous. "I thought it was just stress."

He nodded, more to himself than to her, trying to digest the information.

"…Say something," Vala repeated, almost begging.

Daniel swallowed, trying to hide the shiver that made its way down his spine. They couldn't. Not here. Not children, not in this situation. They couldn't subject someone else to this torture. Not a child. Not _their_ child.

"You know we can't-"

Her eyes widened. "Can't what?"

He looked away. "You know we can't…keep it…" he said, quietly.

She frowned. "Well we can't just… No, what if Sam figures everything out soon? What if she can fix this, what if we can escape and get back to our lives? We can't…get rid…of a baby just like that! What if she just needs a little more time? How can you-"

"Sam doesn't know what she's doing," Daniel insisted. "She's trying and it's driving her crazy because she just can't wrap her head around it. She can't solve this one, god knows she's solved every other problem we've ever had. What if it's another twenty, thirty years before we can make any kind of progress?"

"And what if she really can fix it? We can all help, we can all do something. What if this is what we need, to give everyone some hope?" Vala asked. She blinked and sighed. "So…it might be difficult and…I suppose it would outlive us all…and…" She shook her head. "But what if one of us has an epiphany tomorrow and suddenly realises we've been sitting on what's going to save us all along and-"

"We can't just sit here going 'What if? What if? What if?'!" he snapped, regretting it immediately when she recoiled and stared at him.

"It's a baby! It's a baby and-"

"That will be left all alone-"

"And I don't want to lose another one!" she cried, clamping her hand over her mouth.

Daniel tilted his head, confused. "…You…?"

Vala met his gaze and shook her head. "No…I…no, I mean…I meant Adria." She ran a hand through her hair and resumed her pacing. "I didn't get to be a mother with her. I was scared as hell throughout my pregnancy, but I still expected a baby at the end of it…not her."

He sighed. "It would be unimaginably cruel to have a child that would have no companionship when we're all gone and no way of escaping. And eventually that beam will hit the ship and with the time dilatation device, who knows what exactly is going to happen when it does?"

She seemed to ignore the second part of his words. "Well, tell the others to start breeding then!"

"…You know that isn't going to happen."

Vala moved to kneel at the end of the bed, looking up into his eyes. "A baby, Daniel. A baby. A little you or a little me running round the ship. A little terror with my smile and your eyes. Think of it."

If she continued, he was going to crack. Probably end up on the floor in a heap, berating himself. There was no choice, they had no choice. He would have loved a son or a daughter, hell, more kids, but it wasn't an option. He wouldn't subject a child to the same torture they were living through. He couldn't. Even if the alternative was almost too horrific for him to contemplate sanely.

"…And when we're gone? And they're all alone here, waiting to die, waiting for the beam to hit, whichever comes first?" Daniel said softly. "Look me in the eye and tell me it won't drive you mad when you first set eyes on our son or daughter. Tell me the thought of it won't rip you apart. We have each other. All of us. They'll have no one and they'll have to watch each of us die and leave them."

She blinked rapidly, eyes shining. Vala shook, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. "But…but it's a baby…" she uttered, broken.

He dragged her into his arms. "I love you." He clung tightly to her, trying, in vain, to hide the fact that he was in just the same state that she was. "I love you and I would love a child, but I could never live with myself…and I know you couldn't either."

"…It's not fair," she breathed. "It's not fair," she repeated, striking him on the back, hard. "It's not fair! We didn't ask for this! This is what we get for trying to help people!" she choked out. "It's not fair!"

Daniel held her as he struggled, eyes tightly closed. He had done some terrible things in his time, but not one of them had made him feel as remotely devastated or as filled with self-loathing as what he was being forced to say. What was killing him was that he knew very well that she knew what had to happen too. She just couldn't bring herself to say it.

"I don't want to be a good person anymore! I want to be horrible and hateful and get off this damn ship!!" Vala shouted. "I don't want to kill my baby!"

He flinched, feeling physically sick, as his tears finally fell.

* * *

It was late into the night hours, after several, long, hours of pacing, when Daniel saw her next. She stood at the foot of their bed staring at the floor, eyes glazed over, frozen, as if she might break if he touched her. 

Sam remained by the door, looking grim. She couldn't quite meet his gaze until she forced herself, and the tremor was clear in her voice as she spoke. "It's done," she said. She took one last look at Vala and fled the scene, knowing there was nothing she could do or say to make it any better. It wasn't her place to.

Vala raised her eyes from the floor to meet his. "…It is," she uttered, voice rough. "It's…gone…" Her features crumpled and she doubled over, legs giving way beneath her.

He only just managed to catch her in time. Daniel sank to the floor with her as she trembled, sobbing, and could only clutch at her as she seemed to collapse in on herself.

She was right. It wasn't fair. If anything was going to make her finally lose her mind, it was this. He wasn't too sure that he wouldn't be right behind her.

Vala crawled closer, like she was trying to burrow into him. She couldn't stay still, as if staying put gave her too much time to think.

He held her, silently.

**Fin**


End file.
